"You'll never guess where this hand was last night!"

Kissing and telling is tacky. A key that opens many locks is a good key. But a lock that can be opened by many keys is a terrible lock. Don't let people call your lock a slut.

"You catch the Giants game yesterday?"

Never really been into sports or cars or other typical guy stuff. This is pretty crippling when I have to make small talk with other guys, but I usually turn the conversation to ... uh... God, I'm awkward...

"Oh, that band? Yeah, I listened to them before they were popular."

I'm no hipster.

"James Cameron was robbed! Avatar deserved to win Best Picture!"

I actually fell asleep during The Hurt Locker, but at least it hadn't been done to death before. I know it's not witty or insightful to say anymore, but Avatar was basically blue Pocahontas. It's basically the movie equivalent of a hot liberal girl - aesthetically pleasing but has little substance and babbles endlessly about white guilt.

"Talk to the hand."

So 90's.

"Sarah Jessica Parker is an attractive woman."

I'd rather be punched in the leg by Mike Tyson than engage in any act more intimate than a handshake with that woman.